


Don't Go (Please Stay With Me)

by yanderekirklandchan



Series: The Dumping Ground [3]
Category: The Dumping Ground
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Jody Needs A Hug, Self-Harm, Series 6 Spoilers, So Does Tyler, Song fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 21:20:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14028981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yanderekirklandchan/pseuds/yanderekirklandchan
Summary: A look into what Tyler was going through when Jody ran away.(Set during and after the two parter 'Jody on the Ropes' and 'Saved by the Bell'. The song is 'Don't go'-Wretch 32 ft Josh Kumra)





	Don't Go (Please Stay With Me)

_Don't go_  
_Don't leave_  
_Please stay_  
_With me_

Tyler numbly sat on his bed staring at nothing as his whole universe shattered around him. It was a painful revelation that Jody wasn't coming back, accepting it felt like being forced to swallow a scalding hot shade of glass, he didn't want to do it but he had no choice and yet acquiescing would only bring more pain.

He felt desperate, awful, worse than he'd ever felt in his whole life and he'd been through some horrible things. 'You feel awful?' A viscious voice in his head sneered 'What about Jody, how must she be feeling then? She's the one who was suffering, she's the one who was betrayed by the people who were supposed to care but in reality couldn't give a damn to get off your high horses and really check what's wrong, she's the one who had ran away because living on the streets was still better than the hell you've all put her through.'

Tyler's finger nails were dug deeply into his legs despite the protective layer of his pyjamas. He welcomed the pain, though. It was a merciful distraction from the aggressive flogging of thoughts that were abusing his mind relentlessly, set on punishing him for his every misdeed.

She was gone. How could she be gone? It was Jody, the Jody who'd always been there by his side through good and bad, never relenting. He couldn't really grasp that she wasn't here. And yet he felt her absence catastrophically.

It was more than her not being right next to him, she often wasn't, it was like a large part of his life was ripped out, like his heart had been pulled from his chest and the hole was left gaping to fill with blood. It was worse than when he'd first been taken away from his mum, because then he'd never doubted that she'd be back for him. The uncertainty and doubt that he'd ever even see Jody again, the slap in the face that was the realisation he may very well not, was not just salt in the wound but acid.

Nothing felt right. Everything was completely normal in the surface but it was so, so wrong. Jody had become a necessity of his life, more important to him than water or food. 'Impending doom' wouldn't begin to describe how he felt. Doom wasn't enough to convey the hopelessness or despair, 'impending' was wrong, more like he was being smothered with it, it seeping into every crevace of his being, inside and out, and crushing him.

He let out a desperate, aggressive cry as he punched the bed, which unsatisfyingly sprang back up. He wasn't an aggressive person by nature but he just couldn't handle the cacophony of emotions, he couldn't even begin to start processing or dealing with them. It wasn't good enough. It just wasn't bloody good enough. The Dumping Ground had had far worse goings on than this and they'd ended nowhere near as bad because they'd been dealt with properly. This had been a travesty from the beginning.

 _He_ wasn't good enough. He was Jody's _best friend_. That was supposed to mean something. That meant that he was supposed to be the person she could turn to without fail when the whole world was against them, he was supposed to be there for her through the good and bad because he knew that she was perfect and that everything had a reason, he was supposed to make it all better no matter how impossible; that was his job. Because he was Her. Best. Friend.

He'd failed. He'd failed to be a good friend, he'd failed her, he'd failed to even be a decent human being. Now Jody was gone and it was all because of him. Just a little bit of kindness and consideration was all she'd have neeeded, just a sign to show her that there was someone who was on her side or simply that she was wanted.

When his mental tirade was over, Tyler slumped against the bed, the last of his energy drained. He didn't know when he'd started to cry but his cheeks were stinging with tears, his head pounding and the world blurring before his eyes.

_You are_  
_The only thing I need_  
_To get by_  
_To get by_

It was far earlier than he normally went to bed, everyone had barely started dinner, but Tyler couldn't bring himself to eat. The mere sight of food made him remember that while he was here surrounded by his makeshift family in the warmth with as much food as he wanted Jody was outside somewhere cold and alone and probably starving and that made him feel so sick he felt like throwing up. Not that hiding from food made him forget it but at least starving himself made him feel like less dispicable a person.

No one was surprised that he wasn't eating so after the intial dinner call he hadn't been disturbed. He liked it better that way, as surprising as it was he did have a bit of dignity left and he definitely wouldn't be able to maintain it when he could hardly maintain his breathing.

He knew he was falling, it was familiar to him. He was easily hurt and he often had these times where he fell into a strange mood and couldn't get out, not even caring enough to try. When he would not eat, not talk, sit alone and hurt himself, driving himself crazy with self depreciating thoughts. It was worse depending on what triggered it and this was definitely incomparably worse. 

Normally Jody was there when he was like this. She was the firm, controlling voice to guide him back to where he belonged, she was also the soft, understanding voice to not just tell but show him it would be okay.

Now she was gone and Tyler didn't know how to handle it at all. He was getting more and more desperate every second, he needed her. He needed her to be safe and well, he needed her to be by his side, he needed her to keep him sane. He'd do anything because Jody was the one most important thing in his life. He needed Jody to survive, he'd give up everything else but her.

Tyler yanked at his hair in frustration so hard a few strands came lose. Tears must have surely stained his face by now. He couldn't seem to stop their flow but he didn't really want to, Jody deserved the world's tears.

He was choking from crying, not able to get enough oxygen into his body through his sobs, gasping desperate breaths that hurt his lungs every so often and choking when the salty liquid snuck into a breath. It felt appropriate, after all he'd lost something as vital to him as oxygen. And it was his fault, like he'd slit his own throat.

_Don't go leave me, now_  
_Don't go leave me_  
_Stay right here_  
_And turn my dark day into light years_

It always happened this way. When he was in a mood it would only get worse the later he stayed awake and yet Tyler couldn't help it. Although he'd gone to bed early everyone else in the house was asleep, he'd heard them, and yet he was still staring at the ceiling at four a.m. . He just couldn't get his brain to shut up. And the later he stayed the darker his thoughts got.

It was most certainly an influence of lack of sleep and food but he was starting to get hysterical. It hurt. Everything hurt. His thoughts were too... he couldn't... it wasn't...

By four thirty Tyler was hiding his head in a pillow to smother his cries and hide his shame as he hopelessly scratched a sharpener blade over his ankles, having succumbed to the beckoning of old, darker habits. It helped. In more ways than he could articulate, he didn't try to dig deeper into it, he was too tired, and simply left it at that.

It got later, or earlier by this point, and the sky started to shine a pale blue through his curtains. The birds started to chirp cheerfully, a strange contrast with his rusty numbness. He was curled up in the bottom shadowed corner of his bed, resting his cheek against the wall as he stared dazedly at the faint light.

Eventually, he must have fallen asleep as his alarm clock read 'six a.m.'. That was late enough. He grabbed a post-it-note, writing 'Gone looking for Jody-T' before sticking it on his door, dressing haphazardly and promptly leaving.

_Don't go leave me now_  
_Don't go leave me_  
_Losing you is one of my fears_  
_But I ain't slefish, I'll share if I have to_

Tyler was exhausted already and the day had hardly passed. The wind was ruthless against his skin but he still didn't wish he'd brought a coat. The bite was refreshing, helped keep his mind alert as it should be despite his sleep deprived state.

He'd searched so many streets and would search many more, the winding possibilities stretching in front of him like brick-layed veins to a heart. He wouldn't stop searching until she'd been found. No matter what.

_So don't go_  
_Don't leave_  
_Please stay_  
_With me_  
_You are the only thing I need_  
_To get by_  
_To get by_


End file.
